November 12, 2006

domestically uneducated or domestically challenged

my mom has always kind of been a super mom. she's constantly running around and has more back problems and pain than she'll ever mention but ever since i can remember there has always been fresh flowers in the planters out back, an overstock of basic food items (bread, butter, ramen, cooking oil, etc.) and a homemade dinner on the table. that's not to say we all sat around and ate together. far from it. it was more like, grab a piece of this homemade dinner as you're running out the door to softball practice with an english book to study (inbetween turns at bat) for tomorrow's (pop) quiz.

these domestic mom things are something i've always taken for granted. they're also things i figured i would magically know how to do when i some day became a mom. but it's recently occured to me that it's not that easy. is this something i just need to learn with time or are they things that some people are born with while others are left domestically retarded? i fear it's possible that there is strong evidence pointing to the latter of these two and i am the poster girl for domestic inabilities.

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being domestic attempt #1:
my dad's birthday, october 7th. i was at my parents' for the weekend and i had purchased a vegetarian cookbook while i was at barnes and noble shopping for my dad's bday gift. i got super inspired and proclaimed instead of going out to dinner for dad's birthday, i was going to shock the family with a sara-made vegetarian dinner. my sister was pissed that we weren't going to a real dinner but my dad was super excited.

i went to the store, i got all the ingredients and i set out to make "ricotta and spinach gnocchis" and "spicy broccoli and caulifower stir-fry". yes i'm aware these two meals don't really go together but i'm not trying to be a culinary chef, i'm just simply trying to be domestic.

so to sum things up, two hours into the cooking experience, the stir fry is burning to death, the gnocchis are falling apart as they hit the boiling water, my sister is bitching that i'm stinking up the house, the fire alarm is going off, and there is flour in every crevice of the kitchen. this is about the time when i start to cry. i have been defeated. and i honestly tried SO hard.

"mooooooooom! heeeelp!"

so good ole janice comes to the rescue and tries to salvage my hours of hard work. my sister even layed off her snarkiness for 10 mins. i guess something about a 22-year-old woman weeping over broccoli is enough to make anyone feel bad.

being domestic attempt #2:
the cooking disaster weekend was coming to a close and i was packing up to head back to brooklyn. i was admiring all the house plants hanging around. really gives a house a homey kind of feel.

"maybe i'll get a plant" i thought aloud. i can do plants. how hard could that be? my mom--still feeling sorry for me about the cooking incident--promptly pots too little spider plants for me to take back to my apartment.

i accidentally left them in the back for my car the first week. the second week, i gave them a little home hiding behind the couch. but don't get me wrong. i loved those little plants. i plucked out the dead leaves and made sure they weren't thirsty. i was just waiting to get some cute little hangy planter pots to put them in...

one day i came home from work and noticed a nasty smell. this isn't exactly shocking because julie and i aren't really the best at taking out our trash but in our defense we've been much better since a horrific incident involving a cockroach and the hot neighborhood who described it as "a small rodent!"

anyway, we took out the trash and all the recyclables but i still noticed the stench a few days later. and it wasn't until i was doing the dishes one day that i looked down at the plants...oh i guess i should mention, i had moved them from behind the couch to around the sink by now. one little plant looked way more pitiful than the next. i bent down to get a closer look and that's when the smell hit me. this plant had begun to grow MOLD. i've never heard of such a thing!

so i killed the plant. but not from neglect. from domestic retardedness.

however i should be greatful that the one remaining plant is still producing fresh oxygen in our kitchen/living room.
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whereas moldy plant's deathbed has been relocated to the fire escape.
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ironically enough, i'm making dinner tonight...



Ben said...

One thing Sara didn't mention is that she can make a mean breakfast, whether she enjoys what she's making or not. By far one of the best bacon, egg, and cheese bagel sandwiches I'd ever eaten.

Anonymous said...

SARA I LOVE YOU! So today i was taking a ride in BOOYA aka sabs new car and we were talking and she said she had posted a myspace bulletin about RIP DAMNIT~ Then next ting that came out of my mouth had us dying for atleast 5 min (ok well like 3 blocks but you get the point)```i asked her "Did Ott respond to your bulletin?" shes lik "yessss haha why would you ask that thats nuts???!" my answer "CUZ ITS SARA OTT!" ohhh you crazy girl i miss you and im happy you started this blog```now it gives me something to do with my pathetic no-life when i come home from work everday!!!!!!! love youuuuuu!

sara said...

nicole! i totally started the blog to give me something to do with my pathetic no life. glad we can share in this nonsense.

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