May 18, 2007


John Mayer and Jessica Simpson have called it quits.

HIGHLIGHT. OF MY. DAY. and to put that into perspective, i'm having a really great friday but this news takes the cake.

he's too witty/intelligent/respectable for her. especially considering she's been demoted to the "ugly sister".

somebody give her plastic surgeon a medal. seriously.

not to mention Jessica's been snubbed by Jude Law - of all people - who was quoted as saying "What's she doing here?" in regards to her appearance at Cannes. ouch. jude law? really? that guy's about as cool as Dustin Diamond. jude, didn't you get the memo that jessica is a serious actress now? surely you've seen the trailer for her upcoming blockbuster, Blond Ambition.

i smell Oscar gold.

so in closing:
my deepest sympathies, dear jessica. you can go into hiding now that your life is going to crumple once again. and when you find yourself aching for another publicity stunt, i must ask that you PLEASE re-emerge sans brown hair and cheap spray tan.


John, call me.


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