February 28, 2007

safe sex guys!

The end message, translated from French, says "Live Long Enough To Find The Right One. AIDS: Protect Yourself"

love it!

lesson #1

"whenever you're doing laundry, just check for midgets. do a quick midget check before you throw your clothes in so you don't get some freaked out little mother fucker bitching about it"

lesson learned.



yesterday i ate a big old turkey hoagie. the turkey, i rationalized, is a particularly stupid bird that does not deserve the humanity that should be granted to other, more significant, creatures. i also feel the same way about stupid humans.

to be honest, the hoagie (or "hey tony, lemme get a turkey hero to go. hold the mayo") wasn't as great as anticipated. and that's exactly what i deserve for 1. eating an animal and 2. eating a particularly stupid animal.

however, considering it's been years since i've ingested an animal, the guilt i felt was surprisingly minimal - this partly in due to my "stupid" realization. and i may have also been distracted by the level of uneasiness i rendered upon my stomach for the rest of the day.

now, you're probably wondering what brought me to this ginormous step towards a new lifestyle and the answer, my friends, is simple: hot wings

in recent weeks, i've been overcome by an insane desire for hot wings. preferably served with beer.

though the reason is unclear as to why this craving has stricken me, i am more than welcome to suggestions. but the fact of the matter remains, I NEED HOT WINGS!

and i intend to eat them. this weekend. on a romantic date with ben. surrounded by big-breasted women wearing orange short shorts. and beer.

i ask anyone who has made this plant-eater/meat-eater transition to give me tips on how to make the transition both graceful and successful.


February 27, 2007

my absence

some of you may or may not know that last weekend i moved back into my parents' house. gone are the days of my miserable brooklyn babble. so yay! but unfortunately (or maybe not so unfortunately) i won't be able to update my blog as often as i'd like.

instead of running home to my shoebox, ahem APARTMENT, to continue my bitter blog banter (that's alliteration, folks) i will now be biding my time with crossword puzzles and crazy people on my daily NJ Transit experience.

it probably sounds absurd that i would prefer the latter over the comfort of living close to my place of employment but no. trust me. i'm in a much better situation now.

and before you start crying, i hereby pledge to do my best to update as often as i can, be that throughout the work day when chance should find me with an interesting internet tidbit (ex. harry potter's wang, naked trampolining, shoes) or on the weekends in between fighting with my sister, wrestling with my doggies and making out with ben.

so bear with me!



Dragonflies have six legs but cannot walk.


source: diet snapple iced tea, lemon.

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