June 11, 2009

the time has come to say goodbye

Goodbye Deep Focus,

Goodbye New York,

Goodbye Philadelphia,

Helllooooo Washington, DC!

this is officially the last time i post from the comfort of my work desk. after three long years of Deep Focus-ing and blogging from NY, the time has come for me to embark on a new chapter of my life.

i've been working on this thing called "living" and "being happy" so my decision to move was an easy one. sure, there's the whole "what are you going to do when you get there??" factor which is a completely valid question. and i'm not the kind of person to pick up and move with little to no security but hey, i had a birthday yesterday: i'm a brand new woman!

next time i write, it will be from the comfort of my amazing new apartment in the beautiful Maryland suburbs of DC. my time not blogging will be spent mocking Maryland crab jokes, rooting for the Nats when they're not playing the Phils, lounging around the pool and playing tennis in my apartment complex, celebrating the end of my 14 hour workdays by walking dogs as a source of income, bonding with my ginger cat, discovering new crockpot recipes and putting my new spice rack to use, joining a softball league, not letting my golf clubs get dusty, not allowing my laundry to pile up and planting large smooches on my manfriend when he least expects it!

let the living begin!


June 4, 2009

trim the bush

this lovely little vid from Gillette explains to guys "How To Shave Your Groin". i'm not sure if watching it amuses me or makes me feel uncomfortable. i'm definitely entertained by the phrase "trim the bush to make the tree look taller" because what dude isn't going to fall for that and promptly run out to buy some Gillette? but men, be advised that no matter how you dress it up, it's still going to be small in the dark.


June 3, 2009

ohhh kelly clarkson


i feel kind of terrible commenting on this because i am, of course, a woman and it's my belief that 99.9% of women have been self conscious of their weight at least once in their life, if not frequently in their lives. that being said, this weight gain goes beyond Jessica Simpson "fat" (which was ridiculous) and i'm not writing this post just to say Kelly is fat (which she is) but to say WTF?!?!

if nothing else, this is just UNHEALTHY. i mean, what are you eating to have gained that much weight in a year? i tend to put on weight when i'm poor or trying to save money (aka right now) because let's get real, Ramen is much cheaper than soup and a salad from NY luncheries. also, when in your final semester of college and your money has dried up and your parents are 200 miles away so they can't stop you from replacing a healthy meal with a jar of peanut butter and a 6-pack of PBR pounders, you tend to get fat. or when you're living in Brooklyn at the start of your first "real" job and your rent cost more than your paycheck and your impending student loans are giving you nightmares while you sleep in a bed that takes up half the space in your 5x7 room, you tend to get fat...

i digress.

but seriously Kelly, WTF?!?!!? sure your last album was terrible and you fought with Clive Davis and insisted upon its release anyway and then it inevitably tanked but i'll be damned if "Since U Been Gone" doesn't fucking rule and get played on the radio still. I KNOW you can afford to eat a salad now and again.

so seriously Kelly, do it for your arteries. i honestly don't want to see you with Type 2 diabetes before your 30th birthday. pull yourself together lady.

more photos via Just Jared


June 1, 2009

vacation, staycation

ahhhh Monday back after my vacation to nowhere. how did i spend my vacation, you ask? and the answer would be "doing nothing". unless you consider stuffing my face as doing something. and i do.

highlights of the week:

(*see disclaimer)

mmmm i can't decide what was the yummiest but i can tell you what was the most amusing....

full blown wasabi freak out! hilarious.

(*I'm a Pat's steaks kind of gal but the line was horrendous and when you're super hungry and the Geno's line across the street is staring back at you in all of it's shortness, it's kind of hard to pass up. what can i say? i'm a fat girl and it was way past my feeding time.)


May 21, 2009

the quest for a ginger kitteh

i like these ginger cats. now what's my next step? i'm a dog person. all i know is dog breeder protocol. kitteh catz? no clue. shelter? craigslist? chinese restaurant? help!


May 20, 2009

pa-pa-pa-poker face


Where do even I begin? First, there's the Criss Angel factor but I won't even go there because the only person who likes Criss Angel is this guy. Next, while I am aware that there are people in this world who are into vampire culture and that there are also people in this world who like Lady GaGa in all her space costume terribleness, what I was NOT aware of was the fact that these two seemingly different lifestyle choices/preferences/bad decisions/whatever could be tangled into the same person. What a wonderful world we live in. Lastly, I know there are fake vampire nails or something in the equation but this guy has really long fingers, right?


Lennons all around!

i often wonder of the relationship between Lennons, Julian and Sean. Sean is kind of a d-bag and the apple of John's eye. Julian had one hit song and a father who didn't care much for him. yet here they are chumming it up.

there is seriously no denying that either of these guys came from John Lennon. and both look as much like their mothers as they do their father. except Julian has a little Eric Clapton in him too.

speaking of Beatles...

I'm in the market for a pet but the apartment I'm moving to won't let me have a doggie on the top floor and the boyfriend is being a big cry baby about any long haired critters so I might settle for a nice little tabby cat. A nice little tabby cat named Paul. As in Sir Paul McCATney. It took me 20 minutes to convince lover that I was being serious and another 20 to make him roll with it. Honestly, is a cat named Paul THAT strange? I think it's pretty awesome. And I think it would be awesome if someone out there could hook me up with a free kitty. Preferably a ginger so I can passive aggressively torment him. And don't say "awww that's mean" because it's a god damn cat. You know he's thinking some snarky shit when he's observing us humans and our mundane lives.


May 7, 2009

because Alice In Wonderland wasn't already trippy

some awesome dude made an electronic rendering of a song called "Alice" - 90% of which is composed using sounds from Walt Disney's "Alice in Wonderland"

if you've just popped acid and want the effect above times 10, click THIS LINK. it's pretty badass but if you're seizure prone, you should probably quit shortly before the 1:00 min mark. if you're like me and can't handle the intensity of watching the link above but still really like the song, you can check out the YouTube vid below:


May 5, 2009

haggard lohans

these girls seriously look like they're in their 30s. i mean, i don't look like the youngest 24 year old but these skanks are younger than me! rough.


May 1, 2009

hippy goat

from the makers of Emo Cow, i bring you HIPPY GOAT!

(shout out to Jordan for the tip-off!)

not to be confused with Happy Goat but still kind of freaking awesome.


April 30, 2009

keepin' it topical

it's funny until i actually get the swine flu - because there's no way i can avoid trains. DAMN YOU, Joe Biden.

whatever, i ain't afraid of a little flu. i eat pigs of BREAKFAST. speaking of pigs....

part sheep, part pig = SHEEPPIG!

and thanks to Michelle's Photoshop Paint skillz we've also got SEXY SHEEPPIG!


Cuchini: The Camel Toe Eraser

this post goes out to my coworker, Ms. Elizabeth Gopaul who i affectionately refer to as Camel Toe. not because i've ever seen her with one but because her beautiful luscious eyelashes are long like a camel. and i have a hard time saying "camel" without following it up with "toe". either way, i don't explain this story when i yell "heyyy camel toe!" to her around the office. she just gets some funny stares before she huffs and puffs and squeaks and calls me "hoe cake" and runs off to her office. ahhhh my little camel toe.

Summer’s almost here, ladies! Are you ready? And more importantly, is your vagina ready? If it’s not, you better get your hands on the Cuchini - a brand new pad that “eliminates camel toe.”

(Yes, this is a real product with a real website. Thankfully, the entire site is written in the nasty Comic Sans font for added comedic effect. )

The CUCHINI? Couldn’t they come up with a better name? It sounds like a really bad lesbian magician’s stage name… or something a lonely old bearded man would pay to get in the back seat of his car (”come on baby, how much for THE CUCHINI?”)

Anyway, here’s the thing: of course it eliminates camel toe! You’re shoving a BICYCLE SEAT down your underwear. Look at the size of that thing! Forget a camel toe. The Cuchini could easily hide your eccentric neighbor’s Mini Cooper.



April 22, 2009

this melts my heart

all i know about this video is that it's "The PS22 Chorus of 2009" singing Coldplay's Viva La Vida, the soloist's name is April, and it's the most pleasant thing i've ever laid ears on. i don't even normally like this song but i can't stop listening!

you have to actually watch the whole thing through at least once too. the closed eyes, the head swaying, the heart clenching...GAH! i can't take it. AMAZING!



john mayer is getting on my nerves

back when my future ex-husband John Mayer was a newbie in the biz, he dated Jennifer Love Hewitt. she's pretty lame and talentless enough that when he was quoted saying she's not good in bed, it was pretty awesome. this seemingly nice guy who writes sissy rock music totally dissed a 90s queen. kudos.

a dozen hollywood relationships later, John hasn't grown up any. and as if the on again off again nonsense with Jennifer Aniston wasn't already annoying, he's now yapping about how she was "clingy".

one minute they're talking about how much mutal love and respect they have for one another, next minute she's clingy and he's a twitter-o-holic. it's just publicity desperation at this point and to be frank, it's making my job of defending my beloved John Mayer even harder than it already was.


2002 John Mayer dissing JLove = AWESOME
2009 Serial Dater John Mayer dissing JenAn = DESPERATE

ironically, the only ex john has ever stood up for was Jessica Simpson AKA the most annoying person in the world. figures.

now i leave you on this happy hump day with a video of me in my awkward years getting down at a john mayer concert.


April 21, 2009

random cuteness of the day

this appears to be a lemur of sorts. i think. actually, i have no idea what this is but if you know, please contact me. i want one.

i bet this guy turns into a terrible gremlin when splashed with water...i'm willing to take my chances.


April 14, 2009

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, DUH

here we have Molly something or other, a 10-year old presidential historian who seems downright bored with the Today Show news anchors for being so un-knowledgeable. her smug look is saying "look skanks, you're nothing but a pretty face whereas i am clearly far superior to you because i can memorize a text book" look kid, anybody can remember this junk when their weekends are as freed up as yours.


April 9, 2009


okay okay seriously, the blogging has been majorly lacking and to be honest, it's not going to get better.

for starters, my skanky little sister got me sick and my head is too doped up on allergy medicine (seriously, that shit is a cure all) to write coherent sentences.

second, i'll be away this weekend and due to sleep deprivation, probably not properly functioning again until at least tuesday night.

and finally, i just got a BRAND NEW CAR - (which already got fucked up yesterday by some rogue highway debris...i will not cry again, i WILL NOT CRY AGAIN!) - and i'm not entirely sure how to drive it yet because it's a stick shift. luckily i'm having a grand old time learning how and i've got a wonderfully patient man-friend teaching me the ropes. only once did he go "oh god, OH GOD..."

ANYWAY. i'll leave you beautiful people with a few things that made me laugh today.

1. duct taping a baby to a wall: because that's what i would do should i ever be unfortunate enough to have a life come out of my vag.

2. BWE Presents 50 Animals that are Huge Sluts: because dogs like to get laid too.

3. Baby Orangutan and his Bulldog Caretaker: because of all the primates, i have a soft spot for orangutans - ginger haired or not. they're not assholes like chimps and bonobos. at least not to my knowledge, so let's keep it that way!

Happy Passover and Happy Easter everyone!


April 1, 2009

do people have no dignity?

it's not like snuggley little pouches for baby carrying don't already exist. MUST the child be harnessed to your outfit? and i bet it doesn't end there. if this mother is okay with publicly humiliating her kid and giving new meaning to "cut the cord" then i'm sure there is some other cringe inducing shit going on at home. this poor kid will never make the football team or have an emotionally sound relationship with a woman other than his mother.


March 30, 2009


Originally uploaded by SarCatOtt
margarita gone bad

bear with me...

in the name of perfecting my social media expertise, i'm exploring various features of both Twitter and Flickr. this crap effectively takes away from time for any "real" blog posts and also manages to clutter up the place with nonsense.

lucky for me, i already had accounts on twitter and flickr so now my job is to actually use them and gauge their marketability. so for now just ignore me but please do keep me in mind for any freelance social media managing opportunities. don't worry, i come cheap :)



Originally uploaded by SarCatOtt
21st birthday!


Originally uploaded by SarCatOtt
Little Laci pup. Before she grew up to be a bitch.


Originally uploaded by SarCatOtt
Cody's 4th bday!


Originally uploaded by SarCatOtt
baby sister when she was still young enough to be a flower girl. rocking the bowl cut. i quite possibly had the same hair when i was 8. and 19. and 23.


Originally uploaded by SarCatOtt
my little festa with a 40 back in his Harry Potter days


This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.

March 18, 2009

Dr. Kanye West, OB-GYN

yeah i pulled some Perez Hilton shit on that photo, what of it?

via E! Online


LOST Drinking Game

whew, it's been a long two weeks but thankfully our beloved LOST has returned. thanks to Videogum for coming up with an awesome LOST drinking game. i'll probably just have a steady stream of wine injected into my arm for the entire hour but i appreciate the thought and effort behind making a "game" out of drinking. you non-alcoholics are adorable.

i've bolded my faves:

-Drink every time someone is wearing something ridiculous to remind you that it's the '70s.
-Drink every time you don't know whether to trust Ben or Widmore.
-Drink every time Richard Alpert is great.
-Drink every time members of the Dharma Initiative appear clownish, or naive.
-Drink every time someone comes up with a new name to hide their identity.
-Drink every time someone says "now what?"
-Drink every time Desmond is reluctantly drawn back into the story no matter how hard he tries.
-Drink every time you're like Sun, what's going on with you?
-Drink every time a new Lostie appears on the screen (here's to you, new Losties!)
-Drink every time Locke looks out at the ocean like a wise old grandpa (hold over from the Lost Seasons 1 and 2 Drinking Games).
-Drink every time Farraday gives a vague and completely unsatisfying explanation of anything.
-Drink every time you remember that Miles is still on this show and you wonder what the point of him is and if they're actually going to do something with this whole spirit-walker thing because where did THAT storyline disappear to.
-Drink every time a reference is made to the polar bears which have gone from mystery to running joke.
-Drink every time the rules seem to change without warning.
-Drink every time Juliette is so annoying (hold over from the Lost Seasons 3 and 4 Drinking Games).
-Drink every time Jack and Sawyer have a power struggle (hold over from the Lost Seasons 1, 2, 3 and 4 Drinking Games).
-Drink every time Kate is so annoying (hold over from the Lost Seasons 1, 2, 3 and 4 Drinking Games).
-Drink every time Daniel Farraday expresses his inexplicable love for Charlotte that came out of nowhere.

For those of you who still need to catch up this season, here are some bonus lightning rounds:

-Drink every time Daniel Farraday says, "But when is the" something.
-Drink every time they time jump.
-Drink every time a character witnesses an event that was historical in previous seasons but now is happening in real time.
-Drink every time Jack fails to convince Kate to come back to the island.
-Drink every time someone asks Ben what he's doing there.
-Drink every time the well is filled in.
-Drink every time the well is empty.
-Drink every time there is no well.
-Drink every time you have no idea what's happening.

thanks Videogum!


mark your calendars

Daisy's back!

and this shit is NOT to be missed! i'll be honest, i was skeptical when i heard a "Daisy of Love" was in the works because a. Rock of Love Bus has gone so far beyond ridiculous that it's not even good anymore and b. i'm having a hard time grasping yet another reality show spin-off stemming back from the Surreal Life with Brigitte and Flava Flav. let's see how many i can remember:

Surreal Life Season 3
Strange Love
Flavor of Love
I Love New York
Rock of Love
Real Chance of Love
Charm School - Rock of Love
Charm School - Flavor of Love
Daisy of Love
My Fair Brady
I Love Money
For the Love of Ray J
A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila

seriously? that's freaking ridiculous. AND i'm sure i missed one or two.

ANYWAY. i came across the Vh1 blog entry for the Daisy of Love and i was instantly hooked. these dudes are AWESOME. annnnd 12 Pack is back for more action! god damn he is desperate!

check out pics of all the contestants here! props to Vh1 for continually finding such love to hate `em contestants. i mean, half the fun of watching this garbage is the realization that there are so many people in the world who look and act like these people - AND they think they're cool. amazing.

hopefully we'll see more weird muppet-like hand-over-mouth blubbery crying from Daisy "may or may not be related to Oscar" De La Hoya


March 17, 2009

Happy St Patrick's Day

last Saturday we attempted some annual irish shenanigans known as the Erin Express. the Erin Express is actually a bus that loops around the irish bars in philadelphia. you just hop on when you see it and hop off when it stops at a bar you want to go. brilliant? yes. but i'd be lying if i said i ever actually made it onto the bus.

last year i made it to one bar which, based on this year, was a huge success.

this year went a little differently.

9:00am - bagels and coffee from Manhattan Bagel
9:30am - begin two person power hour in my living room
9:40am - beer #1, bagel and coffee end up back in my toilet
9:45am - resume power hour
10:50am - car won't start
11:00am - en route to Manyunk
11:45pm-2:00pm - flip cup and other forms of binge drinking
2:15pm - catch train to 30th street station, philly
2:50pm - stuff face with mcdonalds
3:00pm - watch everyone drunkenly hop in cabs and take off
3:01pm - plop on the sidewalk for a cig before cabbing it back to manayunk to go home

yeah. never quite made it very far but i will say i had a damn good time getting nowhere.


March 12, 2009

bone-able guy of the day

32 songs in 8 minutes! how cute is this guy? i want him.

songs include those from The Beatles, Tenacious D, Aladdin, Michael Jackson, Gorillaz, Chris "leave britney alone" Crocker and Pokemon!


March 11, 2009

new trailer, same old city

here's the new trailer for The Mysteries of Pittsburgh. i think my coworker said it best when her response to this was "gives a good effort at making shitsburg look interesting. NOT."


March 10, 2009


i never realized i had a weird frog obsession until this past summer/fall when i happened upon 3 frogs over the course of a month. not only did i see them, i caught them. one was actually in distress so i moved him somewhere safe. had i known animal hospitals were frog-friendly, i would have taken him! actually, that's a lie. it was late and i was getting home from a long day of work. oh well.

kudos to the vet tech who clearly had no greater animals to save and put a little effort into Mr. Hoppy here.

(via Best Week Ever)


March 9, 2009

chubby monkey

in keeping with my "animals that i thought were cute - now realizing they're not" theme, i bring you this disgustingly fat monkey. now, monkeys are pretty big assholes already so me thinks if i found this bugger in MY backyard, i'd shit my pants.

seriously, spider monkey, i too like italian food but COME ON. have some decency. eat a salad once in a while.


March 6, 2009


this past week i fell in love with the indie Irish musical Once. i was familiar with the film because it won an Academy Award for best song a few years ago and i was like, "who the hell are these adorable little foreigners?! i want one!"

yes yes, it's a musical (blerg) but the lead, Glen Hansard is actually an artist (of the Irish rock band The Frames) and not technically an actor and let me just say he is GOOD. prior to viewing i basically knew nothing about the film or the actors (aside from the adorable Oscar-winning thing) and about two minutes into it i was completely captivated by Glen. he's one of those singers that's so passionate, you can't help but be drawn in - even if the songs suck (which they don't).

the other lead is this insanely talented Czech singer/songwriter/multi-instrument player that you just want to keep in your pocket. she was only 17 in this movie annnnd she is the youngest recipient of an Oscar in the best song category. seriously, she's fantastic. you just want to like, share a cup of tea with her.

video below is clips of the movie set against the winning song

or check out the trailer HERE.



i disagree, Phoebe Price

every man should get one good bitch slap from his girlfriend at some point in the relationship. it's inevitable that they'll do something to warrant said bitch slap. but remember, girls, it only takes one to get your point across. don't go crazy.

see words of wisdom from Phoebe Price in the clip below.

don't ask me who Phoebe Price is. nobody knows. Phoebe Price doesn't even know. i kind of dig the name Phoebe though. i think children are disgusting but if i was ever to accidentally get pregnant and i decided to keep it and it was (god forbid) a girl, i think i'd name her Phoebe. Phoebe Ott. sounds absolutely terrible but i'm okay with that.


March 5, 2009

fuck you, Rihanna

seriously, Rihanna? we all saw the pictures of you hanging out with Chris Brown at Diddy's house. sad. you will never be able to release a successful album ever again because i'm pretty sure even the little girls that look up to you are smart enough to know that you're a fucking retard. i'll be damned if my little sister ever thinks you're cool.

i vowed before to stay out of this nonsense because it's personal and people need time to get their lives back together but i can't stand for Rihanna setting a bad example for my baby sis.

again, i'm refusing to post the details from the GRUESOME police report but i'd like to say:

attention all douchebags: if you ever EVER do that kind of thing to any of my friends, i WILL chop your balls off.

Rihanna, you are WAY too good for this nonsense. please get your act together and make a stand for domestic violence.


March 2, 2009

poor pup

i'm not sure if all dogs do this but i've definitely seen one of my parents' 35 million dogs twitch around chasing squirrels in his sleep. he was also the only one of their dogs to ever have a seizure. this may or may not have anything to do with his sleep twitching...anyway, i digress...

this dog definitely takes dream twitching to a whole new level. i hope his head is okay...

Sleeping Dog Runs Into Wall - Watch more Funny Videos



via $Ries at FREEwilliamsburg

disclaimer: i would normally never EVER link to any hipster assholes over at FREEwilliamsburg but i'm making an exception for my friend and colleague, Brian.


February 23, 2009


ladies and gents, i present to you the one, the only The Soup's Entertainer of the Year...


February 20, 2009


i don't know why i was always under the assumption that Koala's were cute. maybe it's because they're seen adorably clutching onto a human caretaker. maybe it's because koalas seems so laid back and carefree. maybe i just really liked Adventures of the Little Koala as a kid. whatever the reason, i am deceived NO MORE!

these things look like pure evil. bloodsucking, unicorn killing EVIL. children should be afraid of this thing hiding in their closet. i don't know how the boogieman got such a bad rep. did he ever actually do anything?


emo cow

you can't hide from me, Emo Cow.

honest attempt, but no dice.


fuck you, TMZ

i've been avoiding the Rihanna/Chris Brown stuff because i adore the girl and the whole situation goes so far beyond terrible that words can't describe it but i'd like to take this opportunity to call out TMZ for being the absolute shit of the world right now. it is HORRENDOUS, IMMORAL AND INCONCEIVABLE that you would go as far as posting the picture of Rihanna after she was beaten.

also a big FUCK YOU to the LAPD officer who leaked this shit. you should burn in hell for being such a fucking low life. maybe you'll see Chris Brown down there. you guys could be buddies.

this is so sad. sad sad sad.

i think i'll lead by example and lay off the salacious stuff for a while. bloggers everywhere have gone too far.

happy 21st birthday Rihanna - get better soon! i hope everyone gives you your damn privacy.


February 19, 2009

who doesn't love a dance off?

Conan Obrien and Stephen Colbert - two of my favorite people ever!

apparently, there's been some thievery and Conan is not happy. how to solve such a dispute? invisible dancing strings dance off!


February 17, 2009

February 11, 2009


Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. Charlize Theron in Monster. can you tell who's who?

luckily Charlize actually looks like THIS where as Mickey actually looks like THIS. and yes, Mickey is a front runner for the Academy Award for this role but until he actually wins it, Charlize is still in the lead for winning the Best Actress Oscar for Monster.

good luck Mickey! stop making out with Evan Rachel Wood. she sucks.



in preparation of tonight's LOST, i'd like to share a little recap of last week's episode. presented below is Lost Untangled Episode 504. these recaps put all the nonsense of last week into a bite sized recap that's easy to digest. through the use of action-figures of course. kind of humorous, kind of helpful. best of both worlds.

personal side note: Sayer in Season 5 = less attractive, more annoying. FAIL.


February 10, 2009

Why Your Dog REALLY Goes Outside

now ya know!

and how have i not seen this until now?! that hot ass australian shepherd could give Stains a run for his money. and since we're on the topic, congrats to Copyright (Laci's papa, Crosby and Molly's grandpapa) for taking best Aussie at Westminster yesterday. beating out 35 other dogs!


Big Jon Runyan

Big Jon Runyan has thinner thighs than me. i should probably go kill myself.

insecurities aside, i've always loved Jon Runyan and this commercial gets an appreciative giggle out of me every time. not laugh out loud funny, just appreciation funny.


trampolines get foxy

this video starts off with two foxes in a playful brawl. next comes a look of realization as they both stop and notice they're no longer on solid ground. then the one fox, gives the trampoline a whirl - and he's pretty good! it usually takes me an extra 2 minutes to really get my trampoline legs. finally, the bouncing fox gets bored with such mundane human toys that he decides to have at it with his buddy again. psh, what do foxes know anyway?


February 6, 2009

corny bacon

bored? want to kill 30 seconds?

1. copy and past this link: http://bacolicio.us/http://theottstuff.blogspot.com into the browser URL bar

2. press ENTER. enjoy the bacon!

3. locate the "Cornify" button above my About Me section.

4. click "Cornify" and repeat until you have all the little unicorns and rainbows your heart desires!

Cornify pre-dates Bacolicious so i won't hate on it for the fact that an editor needs to add a certain code to their blog in order to "Cornify" the page. BUT Bacolicious is amazing because it works on ANY site. seriously. just put http://bacolicio.us/ in front of any URL and voila! BACON. for example, if you type http://bacolicio.us/http://nytimes.com/ into your browser you'll find yourself going "heh heh, there's bacon on the New York Times"

UPDATE: NY Times is BACONPROOF! sneaky bastards. that shit totally worked yesterday and now it's making a liar out of me. grrrrr.

ahhhh the joys of the internet.


skanks are leather boot stealers

seriously, how's a skank supposed to keep up her reputation when these reality tv skanks keep setting the bar higher and higher? yet another example of society setting unrealistic expectations for our nation's youth. i find it despicable.

In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?


February 5, 2009



hottest slut i know. except me of course. well, Stains may be hotter but i'm sluttier. that means i win.

next up: HOT SLUT OF THE YEAR followed by the STAINS/Spaghetti Cat democratic ticket in 2012.

By the way, if me and Stains had a baby, it would look like this.


President Jerk Face

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